Okay, so I've been hearing all this controversy and uproar about the upcoming live action Beauty and the Beast movie. Comes out March 17. I, personally, am thrilled about it. The trailers look SO good. Emma Watson is the perfect Belle. But, let's get all up in arms because a minor character with maybe 10 minutes of screen time is gay.
Well, I'm about to unleash a rant of my own. Does it really have this much impact? LeFou will get 10 minutes screen time. This "gay moment" will maybe be him pining over Gaston. Someone on a YouTube video comment even said it is rumored to be 4 seconds of him dancing with another man. Really? So, I'm going to guess that every time I danced with my girl friends at a wedding or a party, we were making everyone around us gay? But, whatever it is, it won't be overly sexual because it is Disney. I highly doubt there will be a make-out scene or anything. Maybe they'll show him grieving over Gaston's end. (spoiler alert if you live on Pluto and never saw the animated original- Gaston dies in the end) And, yes, LeFou is the bumbling moron sidekick of the villain. Not the best representation. But, it's a start.
If a kid asks a question, don't have to go into a huge dissertation. Just say some boys like boys and girls like girls. Dunno why. That's just how God made them. Usually an acceptable answer. It's not some big gay agenda. It's a reflection of the world and all its beautiful diversity. You going to boycott Aladdin if they do a live version because the characters are Arab? ...wait, these people probably are.
And, I know what some people are thinking reading this. "You're a straight woman. How do you know the experiences of gay teens?" Yes, I am. But, I have friends in the LGBT community and they've told me of what they've gone through and dealt with at school, church, and from their own families. I watch the news and hear about the teens committing suicide because they feel they have no one to turn to for help and understanding. I see the stories about parents disowning their children, forcing them to go through horrid medical tortures to "remove the gay." It's disgusting.
If you truly want to "Make America Great Again" as Mr. 45 constantly claims, we need to remember that this country is a melting pot. People from all over the world, all different faiths, races, orientations, make up who we are as a nation. What message does it send to young people who are struggling to know who they are if they see hate? Not just from what they see online and in the media, but in their own homes? There are kids out there, if they aren't already, will struggle and question their sexuallity. And it's people's ignorance that contribute to the bullying and suicide rates among LGBT teens. They're raised to believe that the way they are is wrong and evil and something that should be ripped out of them.
I'm going to see Beauty and the Beast. Probably going to have a date night with my honey and go see it. I'll write up a review and let you know this whole issue is just ridiculous.
Showing posts with label things that annoy me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label things that annoy me. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 8, 2017
Monday, February 13, 2017
Lost Art of Civil Conversation
Okay, I know I made a promise not to post anything political on my public platforms. And, I intend to keep my promise. But, I have to vent. It's late so this may turn into a series of tangents with a point at the end. And, this isn't just about politics. It's about human behavior in general. There is a dying skill in this world. People are losing the ability to have civil conversations/debates about differences in belief. And, there's a strong urge to force the "I'm right, you're wrong" down the throat of whoever you're talking to by any means necessary. To the point that families are divided. Marriages and friendships are ending. What happened to giving your points, listening to the other, and then agreeing to disagree?
One of my closest friends just wrote an article for the Washington Examiner about all the recent boycotts. He is a diehard conservative Republican. While I am a liberal leaning Independent. We differ on a lot of views. But, we've been friends since we were 10 and not about to throw away a 20+ year friendship because we stand on "opposite sides of the aisle" so to speak. One thing we could agree on was how ridiculous the reaction to these boycotts are. Take the highly publicized Nordstrom boycott. Nordstrom announced that they are no longer carrying Ivanka Trump's brand in their stores due to lack of sales. But, people (including 45 himself) are enraged! Now, if Mr. Trump were as great a business man as he claimed, he would understand this and not take it personally. Why continue to stock something that doesn't sell? It's a loss on the business's part, especially in the price range of the items Nordstrom carries. (Far outside my budget, let me tell you.) But, it's common sense supply and demand. If the demand's not there, why take a financial hit with the supply? I see it all the time at my day job. A product doesn't sell, corporate says it has to go. Maybe they'll bring it back. Maybe they'll renegotiate and carry only a small portion of her line. That remains to be seen.
Another I keep seeing things about is the Starbucks debate. Starbucks announced that they will hire refugees that come to this country. Of course, people were up in arms about it. I saw a few of my own friends argue "why aren't they hiring veterans? What about our own people?" When, if you do some research, the coffee chain actually has a massive hiring program for vets. And, in terms of refugees, they said they'd begin by hiring those who worked as translators for our military.
One of my closest friends just wrote an article for the Washington Examiner about all the recent boycotts. He is a diehard conservative Republican. While I am a liberal leaning Independent. We differ on a lot of views. But, we've been friends since we were 10 and not about to throw away a 20+ year friendship because we stand on "opposite sides of the aisle" so to speak. One thing we could agree on was how ridiculous the reaction to these boycotts are. Take the highly publicized Nordstrom boycott. Nordstrom announced that they are no longer carrying Ivanka Trump's brand in their stores due to lack of sales. But, people (including 45 himself) are enraged! Now, if Mr. Trump were as great a business man as he claimed, he would understand this and not take it personally. Why continue to stock something that doesn't sell? It's a loss on the business's part, especially in the price range of the items Nordstrom carries. (Far outside my budget, let me tell you.) But, it's common sense supply and demand. If the demand's not there, why take a financial hit with the supply? I see it all the time at my day job. A product doesn't sell, corporate says it has to go. Maybe they'll bring it back. Maybe they'll renegotiate and carry only a small portion of her line. That remains to be seen.
Another I keep seeing things about is the Starbucks debate. Starbucks announced that they will hire refugees that come to this country. Of course, people were up in arms about it. I saw a few of my own friends argue "why aren't they hiring veterans? What about our own people?" When, if you do some research, the coffee chain actually has a massive hiring program for vets. And, in terms of refugees, they said they'd begin by hiring those who worked as translators for our military.
I'm afraid to say something at work for fear of someone going off on me. I get that enough without bringing politics into it. When someone tries to goad me into a debate/discussion, I smile and say I have no political views on the clock, and keep working. Same with friends who share political differences. Smile and nod and change the subject. Partly because I don't want to debate. Partly because I am no expert and would probably lose by not having a comeback. I can't even share something on Facebook without friends launching into longwinded arguments. I don't even want to share a meme meant to be a joke because someone will take it the wrong way. And that's been going on for years. But, that may be another rant someday.
The protest at UC Berkley- the speaker, a self proclaimed sh*t starter, was scheduled to speak. So, students came to protest. It started out peaceful until a group began shooting and throwing things and it turned insane. That was uncalled for. I don't agree with that that person talks about, but he had a right to be there. Just like those protesters did, provided it remained peaceful. Violence doesn't get us anywhere.
I just don't see why things have to be so polarizing nowadays. It's not getting us anywhere. If anything, it's further making things worse. I've accepted the fact that Donald Trump is President. I don't like it. I don't like him. I think he's a horrid excuse for a human. But, there's nothing I can do about it. I will be among the voices who speak out when he does something I disagree with and I think will harm this country. I won't do it on my author platform (Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Tumblr) with the exception of this blog post. If need be, I'll create a separate blog to share only on my personal Facebook page. I will do my best to live my life and be kind to others. I will be more informed and politely discuss the issues of today with others if I please. And, I will hope that this brutal divisiveness ends. We've had major views split this country several times in its history and we've come through each time. But, we never seem to learn. Or, we do for a while and quickly forget. What lesson is that for future generations? Having different views and beliefs is what makes the US the beautiful melting pot that it is. Why tarnish that now? If something's wrong, by all means speak out. But, you don't have to be violent about it. Discuss, debate (peacefully), and here's an idea. Compromise! Make things work so it's better for all.
Call me naïve. But, I'm still going to hold out a small bit of hope for the people in this country and the rest of the world. For the sake of future generations. If we ruin it now, what hope do they have?
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
Severely need to vent (language warning)
In the midst of various headlines circulating in the local and national media outlets, I need to vent. It's come to the point where I can't watch the news or even scroll my Twitter or Facebook feed without seeing something that makes me want to smash my laptop in a Hulk-like rage.
One that had me screaming was the settlement in a highly publicized local case. A boy was killed by officers after he was seen waving around a realistic looking toy gun. The mother went on a rampage. Blaming the police. Now, don't misunderstand me. My heart goes out to any mother who has to bury her son, especially from a violent act. My uncle was a victim of gun violence. My dad had to fly to California and bring his body home just 2 short months after my grandfather passed. My grandmother had to bury her husband and son within weeks of each other. And, I do not pretend to know the details of this boy's home life. But, something seems amiss to me when he should know better than to be in a public space waving a gun around, toy or not. I know Ohio has conceal-carry laws. But, the key word there is CONCEAL! Don't go to a park and wave it around, frightening people so they call the police! Where was the mom then? Now, she gets $6 million because she couldn't teach her kid common sense? And, she made it sound like the police had it in for her kid. Like, people join the police to earn a free license to kill. My father was a police officer and had a number of friends on the force in various city departments. I know this is not the case. They wouldn't have made it into the academy if they believed this to be true.
Another story I saw Monday involved a boy of similar age (about 13 or so) involved in a series of robberies and car jackings. A photo of the boy pointing a gun was posted on social media!! The reporter interviewed the father and he was absolutely clueless. He couldn't even tell the reporter what grade his son was in! Acted like it wasn't his business to know what his son did. What kind of parent does that? And, why have kids if you're not going to teach and take care of them?
Now, before I get bombarded by trolls calling me racist, allow me to clarify. I'm not bringing this up because of race. I didn't even mention that when I talked about these situations. It's not a racial thing. It's about an all around disregard for values, morals, and accountability for one's actions. I work in retail. I see a few hundred people a day. It's everywhere. Black, white, yellow, purple, blue. Tall, short, fat, thin. And all religions and cultures. People let their kids run wild in the store. Then, when they get hurt or they hurt someone else or get caught stuffing candy in their pockets, it's "Oh... oops." or "Quit picking on my baby!" The other end of the spectrum is the ridiculously over-protective parents contributing to the increasing number of 20 year old babies. But, that's a rant for another day.
Maybe it's because I come from a very involved and close-knit family. Former friends would even tease and say my parents fell under that crazy over-protective category. But, I don't see it that way. And, besides, it worked! My sister and I never got into trouble with the law or in school. With the exception of my one and only fight in grade school that was self defense. We had rules instilled in us and we learned the value of sticking to a commitment and living a good life. And, most of all, that actions have consequences you have to face when you fuck up.
I'll go back to the fight I had in school. I hit a kid with my purse last period of the day. He had several classes with me and had been harassing me all day long. He pushed me to the ground and I retaliated. The principal wouldn't give me the time of day, but believed his crazy story about how I was a complete bitch and had it in for him from day 1. I went home crying, because we were both punished with in-school suspension. (Sit in an old art room... together... all day long doing your classwork. Worst. Day. Of. My. Life... at that point) My dad called the school. Even though I was not at fault, I still broke the rules by hitting the little jerk. And, so, served my punishment. It sucked. My 14 year old brain thought it wasn't fair and I wanted to call in sick. But, it taught me a lesson.
Again, actions have consequences. Don't study for an exam? You're probably going to flunk. Spill coffee from McDonalds all over your lap? Guess what! That shit's HOT. It says so, like 50 million times on the cup. You're going to get burned. Antagonize the dog next door? Yeah, you get no sympathy from me when he bites your hand. And, the list goes on.
I mentioned to my best friend that I was working on this post and, referring to the first news story I mentioned, I brought up my opinion on gun control. No, it is not a crime to own a gun, nor should it be. It's one of our Constitutional rights (if you live in the U.S. I know I have a few international readers out there) and I get that. BUT necessary checks and balances need to be in place, along with proper education, to ensure a) some crazy nut job doesn't decide he wants to shoot up a movie theater, b) some poor kid who feels he has no other way can't shoot up his school to stop the bullies from making his life a living hell, c) a little child can't get hold of it, thinking it's a toy and end up shooting, if not themselves, someone else. But, oh. Wait, that would fall under actually being a parent and teaching your children right from wrong. Rather than blaming the world when they end up in jail or, worse, dead. My friend owns guns. They frequent their local range. They bought a BB gun for their 7 and 9 year old kids to use only at the range, under supervision of mom and dad, and locked in a fingerprint safe. And, emphasizing these things are not toys. Even BB guns can be deadly if mishandled. We all laugh at Ralphie from Christmas Story and his "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." But, if you recall, he almost did shoot his eye out. My friend repeats this lesson over and over and will continue as her children grow up. That's taking proper responsibility.
Another thing we talked about, on this topic of guns, was school shootings. Perhaps we come from a naïve age when we were kids. Perhaps they're covered more because of the constant media saturation we get from... everywhere. But, we never heard of school shooting before Columbine. (9th grade for me) And now, sadly, they're so common place. And, what is one thing they say about many of the shooters? They were bullied in school. Now, I have shared my story numerous time about how I was bullied in school. 6th grade, coming home in tears nearly every day because kids called me "fat," "stupid," "useless," "bitch," and I'm sure there were more names long forgotten. 8th grade, I already mentioned the little creep that pushed me so far I slapped him. High school, I was the slow kid in gym class. My grades were a C average if I studied all night and prayed my heart out. I was the quiet one, so that made me a target. Rumors were spread about my best friend and I being "more than friends," if you get my drift. But, not once did I consider getting a gun and shooting up my school. Why? Because I could talk to my parents. They may have been a tad over protective but that's how parents are supposed to be. Hands on, caring about their children. Making sure they grow to have good values and become productive members of society. If you can't do that, don't have any freaking kids! You'll only be doing more harm to them and then scratching your heads wondering what went wrong.
There is the other extreme I'll touch on quickly. The parents who smother. Now, my parents were protective, but they still let my sister and I live our lives. We made mistakes. We mishandled our money. (Or, at least I did) We had those bad relationships and heartbreaks. But, you need those lessons in life. You can't have Mom and Dad hovering over you night and day because you won't figure out how to be a grown-up. Something even most adults haven't figured out yet but it's a process and different experiences for everyone. Mom and Dad, sadly, won't be around forever. You have to take charge of your life.
And, yes, that involves the tough lesson that so many kids have to learn. People can be cruel. You're going to get picked on. People are going to torment you and try to make your lives a living hell for shits and giggles. But, that means there's something wrong with them! I was trying to tell my friend's daughter this a few months back when she was telling me about a boy in school calling her ugly. "He's ignorant and blind because you are a lovely little girl." She shrugged and gave the usual reply I gave my mom so many times. "You're just saying that." "No, I'm not," I said. "I always feel that people who get joy out of making others miserable are miserable themselves. And, the way they make themselves feel superior is bringing others down instead of trying to raise themselves up. If he can't see what a great person you are, it's his loss because he could be missing out on a great friend if he just took the time to get to know you."
Which leads to another thing I need to grumble about. I'm a tolerant person. I enjoy learning about different religions and cultures. History has always interested me, the good, the bad, and the boring. And, it takes a lot to piss me off. The fact that I'm writing this is an example of the fact that I need to get things off my mind because I'm getting very close to voicing my opinions. And, with my luck, I'll say it to the wrong person who will take it the wrong way and I'll be in trouble. Probably at work. There is a certain public figure on the political scene in this country that makes me so mad. Remember I mentioned a Hulk-like rage? Yeah, he's reason number 1 I can't watch the news anymore. His blatant, ignorant, racist, sexist blabbering scares the daylights out of me! And, I pray I'm not alone. I hope to God above he does not win the election, or even the nomination he's seeking, because we're all in deep shit and I'll be packing my bags for Australia. He is demeaning to... well, anyone who is not a rich white man with bad hair. He doesn't care about family. He's quote in a 2005 interview (Buzzfeed article here and, yes, if you haven't figured it out, you'll know who I'm talking about. I am on my boyfriend's laptop and I don't think he'd appreciate me destroying it in a fit of temper because this man fills me with so much anger) saying in part, "I won’t do anything to take care of them. I’ll supply funds and she’ll take care of the kids." He wouldn't even push the baby in the stroller on a simple walk down the street! What kind of parent does that? How is that an example for his children? Especially his sons.
Now, let me give you a situation here. I'll make up a normal(ish) American family. Dad works and is one of the minority who can be a solo provider for his family for whatever reason so Mom stays home, tends house, and takes care of the kids. Seems okay, right? Let's not forget. Being a stay-home mom is a tough, highly underappreciated job. It's not like the "Real Housewives of ---" where an army of nannies take care of the kids while Mommy attends cocktail parties and watches soaps all day. No, when Dad's not home, she's doing mountains of laundry, dishes, just anything to just make the house somewhat presentable should a guest decide to drop by. Siblings fight. I know my sister and I did. My boyfriend and his brother have stories. So, as a parent, you're breaking up those fights and dishing out punishments. There are also the joys of parents. First steps, hearing "Mama" or "Daddy" for the first time. You know what gave me the "I want kids" bug? My friend's daughter was spending the weekend with me. We were in church and she threw her arms around me and gave me the most adoring smile in the world. I thought, "My God. I want to see that look coming from my own kids. That's the best feeling in the world." But, I digress. Back to my scenario here. So, the family is busy. Dad's working and helping Mom run the kids to Scouts, dance, baseball, football, visiting relatives, all that stuff that happens in life with kids. Suddenly, Mom isn't feeling well. She becomes ill. Or, she injures herself. She has to stay in bed for days/weeks on end! Can't afford a nanny with medical expenses piling up. Grandma or Aunt Lucy come help when they can but it's not a 24/7 deal. Guess what? Dad suddenly has to step up. It may mean changing his hours at work or working from home sometimes. Canceling that business trip. And, yes, he'll have to cook/do laundry/yard work/and all that other stuff Mom was doing but can't.
But, according to... yeah, you figured it out already so I'm still not typing his name... "That's not my thing." Self-centered creep. My dad does most of the cooking. Does that mean he's "acting like a wife," too? No, I think it means he's helping his wife who has to go to work as early as 3 a.m. and is so exhausted she fall asleep as soon as her rear hits the sofa. You know, if all men thought like you, I shudder to think what our world would be like. I'm pretty sure my mom wouldn't have married my dad. Then, my sister and I wouldn't be here and we wouldn't be at the place we are in our lives without hands on parents. Even now, at nearly 32, I know I can call my parents when I need to. Just before Christmas, I called my mom sobbing because my car wouldn't start after work and I was terrified it was something major. She calmed me down, she and Dad drove to my job, they looked it over, and said it was just the battery. Then, they helped me jump it and get it to the shop. If they weren't protective of us, I probably would have died 2 years ago from the blood clot in my leg because I was putting off seeing the doctor. But, my mom woke me up saying, "I called you off work. Make a doctor appointment now or we're just going to the E.R." Hands off dads wouldn't meet their daughters for dinners once a week just to talk and catch up on life amid busy schedules. Hands off dads would probably never notice when their daughters came home crying after their first big heartbreak and feeling like the world shattered around them like a dropped snow globe.
I could go on. But, my brain is fried and I need to be up early myself to work on my other writing projects before Day Job resumes once more. Looking forward to a long, quiet weekend and, hopefully, continued nice weather.
I hope my rants and ramblings sparked some thought, if not conversation. I'd love to talk/civilly debate. And, thanks for reading if you made it to the end.
Good night,
Carey
One that had me screaming was the settlement in a highly publicized local case. A boy was killed by officers after he was seen waving around a realistic looking toy gun. The mother went on a rampage. Blaming the police. Now, don't misunderstand me. My heart goes out to any mother who has to bury her son, especially from a violent act. My uncle was a victim of gun violence. My dad had to fly to California and bring his body home just 2 short months after my grandfather passed. My grandmother had to bury her husband and son within weeks of each other. And, I do not pretend to know the details of this boy's home life. But, something seems amiss to me when he should know better than to be in a public space waving a gun around, toy or not. I know Ohio has conceal-carry laws. But, the key word there is CONCEAL! Don't go to a park and wave it around, frightening people so they call the police! Where was the mom then? Now, she gets $6 million because she couldn't teach her kid common sense? And, she made it sound like the police had it in for her kid. Like, people join the police to earn a free license to kill. My father was a police officer and had a number of friends on the force in various city departments. I know this is not the case. They wouldn't have made it into the academy if they believed this to be true.
Another story I saw Monday involved a boy of similar age (about 13 or so) involved in a series of robberies and car jackings. A photo of the boy pointing a gun was posted on social media!! The reporter interviewed the father and he was absolutely clueless. He couldn't even tell the reporter what grade his son was in! Acted like it wasn't his business to know what his son did. What kind of parent does that? And, why have kids if you're not going to teach and take care of them?
Now, before I get bombarded by trolls calling me racist, allow me to clarify. I'm not bringing this up because of race. I didn't even mention that when I talked about these situations. It's not a racial thing. It's about an all around disregard for values, morals, and accountability for one's actions. I work in retail. I see a few hundred people a day. It's everywhere. Black, white, yellow, purple, blue. Tall, short, fat, thin. And all religions and cultures. People let their kids run wild in the store. Then, when they get hurt or they hurt someone else or get caught stuffing candy in their pockets, it's "Oh... oops." or "Quit picking on my baby!" The other end of the spectrum is the ridiculously over-protective parents contributing to the increasing number of 20 year old babies. But, that's a rant for another day.
Maybe it's because I come from a very involved and close-knit family. Former friends would even tease and say my parents fell under that crazy over-protective category. But, I don't see it that way. And, besides, it worked! My sister and I never got into trouble with the law or in school. With the exception of my one and only fight in grade school that was self defense. We had rules instilled in us and we learned the value of sticking to a commitment and living a good life. And, most of all, that actions have consequences you have to face when you fuck up.
I'll go back to the fight I had in school. I hit a kid with my purse last period of the day. He had several classes with me and had been harassing me all day long. He pushed me to the ground and I retaliated. The principal wouldn't give me the time of day, but believed his crazy story about how I was a complete bitch and had it in for him from day 1. I went home crying, because we were both punished with in-school suspension. (Sit in an old art room... together... all day long doing your classwork. Worst. Day. Of. My. Life... at that point) My dad called the school. Even though I was not at fault, I still broke the rules by hitting the little jerk. And, so, served my punishment. It sucked. My 14 year old brain thought it wasn't fair and I wanted to call in sick. But, it taught me a lesson.
Again, actions have consequences. Don't study for an exam? You're probably going to flunk. Spill coffee from McDonalds all over your lap? Guess what! That shit's HOT. It says so, like 50 million times on the cup. You're going to get burned. Antagonize the dog next door? Yeah, you get no sympathy from me when he bites your hand. And, the list goes on.
I mentioned to my best friend that I was working on this post and, referring to the first news story I mentioned, I brought up my opinion on gun control. No, it is not a crime to own a gun, nor should it be. It's one of our Constitutional rights (if you live in the U.S. I know I have a few international readers out there) and I get that. BUT necessary checks and balances need to be in place, along with proper education, to ensure a) some crazy nut job doesn't decide he wants to shoot up a movie theater, b) some poor kid who feels he has no other way can't shoot up his school to stop the bullies from making his life a living hell, c) a little child can't get hold of it, thinking it's a toy and end up shooting, if not themselves, someone else. But, oh. Wait, that would fall under actually being a parent and teaching your children right from wrong. Rather than blaming the world when they end up in jail or, worse, dead. My friend owns guns. They frequent their local range. They bought a BB gun for their 7 and 9 year old kids to use only at the range, under supervision of mom and dad, and locked in a fingerprint safe. And, emphasizing these things are not toys. Even BB guns can be deadly if mishandled. We all laugh at Ralphie from Christmas Story and his "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." But, if you recall, he almost did shoot his eye out. My friend repeats this lesson over and over and will continue as her children grow up. That's taking proper responsibility.
Another thing we talked about, on this topic of guns, was school shootings. Perhaps we come from a naïve age when we were kids. Perhaps they're covered more because of the constant media saturation we get from... everywhere. But, we never heard of school shooting before Columbine. (9th grade for me) And now, sadly, they're so common place. And, what is one thing they say about many of the shooters? They were bullied in school. Now, I have shared my story numerous time about how I was bullied in school. 6th grade, coming home in tears nearly every day because kids called me "fat," "stupid," "useless," "bitch," and I'm sure there were more names long forgotten. 8th grade, I already mentioned the little creep that pushed me so far I slapped him. High school, I was the slow kid in gym class. My grades were a C average if I studied all night and prayed my heart out. I was the quiet one, so that made me a target. Rumors were spread about my best friend and I being "more than friends," if you get my drift. But, not once did I consider getting a gun and shooting up my school. Why? Because I could talk to my parents. They may have been a tad over protective but that's how parents are supposed to be. Hands on, caring about their children. Making sure they grow to have good values and become productive members of society. If you can't do that, don't have any freaking kids! You'll only be doing more harm to them and then scratching your heads wondering what went wrong.
There is the other extreme I'll touch on quickly. The parents who smother. Now, my parents were protective, but they still let my sister and I live our lives. We made mistakes. We mishandled our money. (Or, at least I did) We had those bad relationships and heartbreaks. But, you need those lessons in life. You can't have Mom and Dad hovering over you night and day because you won't figure out how to be a grown-up. Something even most adults haven't figured out yet but it's a process and different experiences for everyone. Mom and Dad, sadly, won't be around forever. You have to take charge of your life.
And, yes, that involves the tough lesson that so many kids have to learn. People can be cruel. You're going to get picked on. People are going to torment you and try to make your lives a living hell for shits and giggles. But, that means there's something wrong with them! I was trying to tell my friend's daughter this a few months back when she was telling me about a boy in school calling her ugly. "He's ignorant and blind because you are a lovely little girl." She shrugged and gave the usual reply I gave my mom so many times. "You're just saying that." "No, I'm not," I said. "I always feel that people who get joy out of making others miserable are miserable themselves. And, the way they make themselves feel superior is bringing others down instead of trying to raise themselves up. If he can't see what a great person you are, it's his loss because he could be missing out on a great friend if he just took the time to get to know you."
Which leads to another thing I need to grumble about. I'm a tolerant person. I enjoy learning about different religions and cultures. History has always interested me, the good, the bad, and the boring. And, it takes a lot to piss me off. The fact that I'm writing this is an example of the fact that I need to get things off my mind because I'm getting very close to voicing my opinions. And, with my luck, I'll say it to the wrong person who will take it the wrong way and I'll be in trouble. Probably at work. There is a certain public figure on the political scene in this country that makes me so mad. Remember I mentioned a Hulk-like rage? Yeah, he's reason number 1 I can't watch the news anymore. His blatant, ignorant, racist, sexist blabbering scares the daylights out of me! And, I pray I'm not alone. I hope to God above he does not win the election, or even the nomination he's seeking, because we're all in deep shit and I'll be packing my bags for Australia. He is demeaning to... well, anyone who is not a rich white man with bad hair. He doesn't care about family. He's quote in a 2005 interview (Buzzfeed article here and, yes, if you haven't figured it out, you'll know who I'm talking about. I am on my boyfriend's laptop and I don't think he'd appreciate me destroying it in a fit of temper because this man fills me with so much anger) saying in part, "I won’t do anything to take care of them. I’ll supply funds and she’ll take care of the kids." He wouldn't even push the baby in the stroller on a simple walk down the street! What kind of parent does that? How is that an example for his children? Especially his sons.
Now, let me give you a situation here. I'll make up a normal(ish) American family. Dad works and is one of the minority who can be a solo provider for his family for whatever reason so Mom stays home, tends house, and takes care of the kids. Seems okay, right? Let's not forget. Being a stay-home mom is a tough, highly underappreciated job. It's not like the "Real Housewives of ---" where an army of nannies take care of the kids while Mommy attends cocktail parties and watches soaps all day. No, when Dad's not home, she's doing mountains of laundry, dishes, just anything to just make the house somewhat presentable should a guest decide to drop by. Siblings fight. I know my sister and I did. My boyfriend and his brother have stories. So, as a parent, you're breaking up those fights and dishing out punishments. There are also the joys of parents. First steps, hearing "Mama" or "Daddy" for the first time. You know what gave me the "I want kids" bug? My friend's daughter was spending the weekend with me. We were in church and she threw her arms around me and gave me the most adoring smile in the world. I thought, "My God. I want to see that look coming from my own kids. That's the best feeling in the world." But, I digress. Back to my scenario here. So, the family is busy. Dad's working and helping Mom run the kids to Scouts, dance, baseball, football, visiting relatives, all that stuff that happens in life with kids. Suddenly, Mom isn't feeling well. She becomes ill. Or, she injures herself. She has to stay in bed for days/weeks on end! Can't afford a nanny with medical expenses piling up. Grandma or Aunt Lucy come help when they can but it's not a 24/7 deal. Guess what? Dad suddenly has to step up. It may mean changing his hours at work or working from home sometimes. Canceling that business trip. And, yes, he'll have to cook/do laundry/yard work/and all that other stuff Mom was doing but can't.
But, according to... yeah, you figured it out already so I'm still not typing his name... "That's not my thing." Self-centered creep. My dad does most of the cooking. Does that mean he's "acting like a wife," too? No, I think it means he's helping his wife who has to go to work as early as 3 a.m. and is so exhausted she fall asleep as soon as her rear hits the sofa. You know, if all men thought like you, I shudder to think what our world would be like. I'm pretty sure my mom wouldn't have married my dad. Then, my sister and I wouldn't be here and we wouldn't be at the place we are in our lives without hands on parents. Even now, at nearly 32, I know I can call my parents when I need to. Just before Christmas, I called my mom sobbing because my car wouldn't start after work and I was terrified it was something major. She calmed me down, she and Dad drove to my job, they looked it over, and said it was just the battery. Then, they helped me jump it and get it to the shop. If they weren't protective of us, I probably would have died 2 years ago from the blood clot in my leg because I was putting off seeing the doctor. But, my mom woke me up saying, "I called you off work. Make a doctor appointment now or we're just going to the E.R." Hands off dads wouldn't meet their daughters for dinners once a week just to talk and catch up on life amid busy schedules. Hands off dads would probably never notice when their daughters came home crying after their first big heartbreak and feeling like the world shattered around them like a dropped snow globe.
I could go on. But, my brain is fried and I need to be up early myself to work on my other writing projects before Day Job resumes once more. Looking forward to a long, quiet weekend and, hopefully, continued nice weather.
I hope my rants and ramblings sparked some thought, if not conversation. I'd love to talk/civilly debate. And, thanks for reading if you made it to the end.
Good night,
Carey
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