Keeping Father Dan's Memory Alive

So, yesterday was a sad but beautiful day. I had never seen the Church so full in my life. It was an incredible sight to see. I'd guess at least 800 people packed the space, not counting people who stood outside the doors to listen. Not just the number but the variety of people. Father Dan had been a part of several parishes over his years of ministry. Black, white, Asian, Middle Eastern, the very old to the very young. Priests, bishops, deacons, sisters. People who had grown up listening to Father preach on Sundays. People who had worked with him. People who had grown up with him. We gathered together to mourn his loss. But, more importantly, we gathered to celebrate a man who touched so many in so many ways. This was reflected in the music sang and the words spoken. Even after Mass, we gathered for lunch and shared more stories.

I didn't want to go up to the casket because I didn't want that image in my memory. I wanted to remember the man who always smiled and pulled you into a big hug when he saw you, even first meeting you. The man who's eyes lit up at the Christmas party when he played carols on his flute with the band. The man who talked and laughed at my sister's wedding and was bouncing with joy that he was able to make it and talked about it for months afterward.

But, it wasn't without issue. I won't go into specific but there were stories that were not so positive. And, it just made my family so upset. I know Father Dan wouldn't want people to act the way they did. It's not what he stood for. It's not the message he tried to convey and the fact that people never took that in is a disgrace to his memory.

Now, more than ever, is the time for the two communities he served most recently to come together. As one spirit, one mission to bring the love of Christ to the world. Not to turn people away. I said in my last post, Father accepted everyone. And, the people that gathered to honor him yesterday reflected that.

I know my dad and others will work to keep his memory alive there. And, I can only hope to follow his example in my own life. Only then will he be remembered always in the hearts of those who knew him.

"There's One More Angel In Heaven"

I don't know why I chose a lyric from Joseph's Technicolor Dreamcoat but I'm have a feeling he'd get a kick out of it because he had that kind of sense of humor.

I can't sleep. And, the best way for me to clear my head is to write. What better topic to write about than remembering a wonderful man, priest, and friend. Father Dan Begin. He was the pastor at my dad's church and I had the pleasure of getting to know him these past 2 years since my dad joined him as deacon. Never have I known anyone like him. And, I doubt I'll ever meet anyone that comes close in my life.

Father Dan was truly the embodiment of Christian faith and love. He always had a smile on his face and a waiting hug. He loved to laugh. He loved music. He loved family, enough to adopt children and raise them as his own and the grandchildren that followed. He loved his parishioners at the various churches he served in. And, he loved God. He had a tremendous faith that we can only dream to emulate. Even when he was ill, he talked about leaving it in God's hands and whatever happened would happen. He cherished every day he was remotely well. When he was able to attend my sister's wedding in October, he was practically giddy with excitement. The power of prayer bought him a few precious months before illness returned to finally claim his life on Saturday.

He welcomed everyone, regardless of background, race, orientation. You just felt good when you were around him. He'd tease and crack jokes at events. When he said Mass, there was a glow about him. When he played the flute or talked about his family, his eyes would light up and you couldn't help smile along with him.

I wish I had been able to know him better. But, I know he's at peace now. He's not suffering anymore.

I know that's a cliché thing to say. It's what everyone says when someone dies. Especially from illness like cancer. But, I've had a few family members with cancer. It's like they're being eaten alive from the inside out. Watching a loved one waste away is one of the hardest things in the world. And, as much as you want them to get better and be with you for many more years, you want just as much for it to stop and for them to know peace and be free of pain.

It could be that it's late and I'm sleepy. Or, it's that there really are no words to describe Father Dan beyond what I've already said. He will be missed so much and by so many. And, he will never be forgotten.

A Lost Light

Well, today is going to suck. I'm attending a funeral after work for a former coworker. 25 years old, super sweet young man. He was hard working. He always had a smile and a kind word for anyone he met.
I'm going to copy the Facebook post from his sister on the day he died and post it here before I say more:

Today has been the most devastating day of my life. Today my baby brother died. He was 25. He was a son, a brother, a nurse. He loved to laugh, he loved his patients and he loved his family. As great as he was, he fought with a demon inside of him and lost. That demon was addiction. It started many years ago with a back injury ... pills mostly. Then came the anxiety. Xanax and an alcohol chaser. We saw it coming like a freight train. After pleading with him to get help, he finally did. Rehab, for 28 days. We (his family) attended Nar-Anon meetings to help with our own struggles. On Tuesday he came home. He was changed. For the better perhaps, or just different. "Rehab was the best drug education I could have ever gotten." He joked. Little did we know he wasn't kidding. Today, 36 hours after leaving rehab, he died of a heroin overdose. He learned about heroin, in detail, in rehab. It isn't anyone's fault this happened but his own. I'm not angry. He has become just another a statistic.

I'm sharing this with you because my brother wasn't your typical "junkie". He was a good kid from a good home. He had a family that loved him and a good job. He had great, caring friends that tried to help him with his depression. He had hopes and dreams of a great future. All of that was taken by addiction. If you know of someone struggling with addiction, please find them help. Their life could depend on it. There are "signs". Don't pretend they aren't there or that your loved one will "get better" on their own. They cannot do it on their own. This is a disease. I cannot recommend Nar-Anon meetings highly enough. Find one if you are worried about a loved one. Go. They can and will help you. Tell your loved one you love them. The heroin on the streets today is mixed with all sorts of deadly crap. It kills. Please do not be ashamed. I was. I will not be anymore. Tim and others like him deserve to be able to stand tall and say "My name is Tim, I'm an addict .... and I need help." Please share this message. I have met some wonderful people during this process. Some have made it through .. some have not. I want others to know .... There is Hope.

To those friends and family that have supported us through this tough time, I cannot express my sincerest "Thank You's" enough. Once his final arraignments have been made, I will pass those along.

When I saw the news of this, I wanted to be physically sick. How could this happen to such a sweet guy? With so many evil people in the world, why do the good ones have to suffer like this? All the questions that one would ask during a time like this. It just goes to show how truly fragile life can be.

I think Melissa's post says it all so I'm not going to add much more. I'm going to start crying again if I do. I just wanted to share this with you and, if you or anyone you know is going through a problem with addiction, get help. It is possible. And, if you are blessed to have a healthy family, give them an extra hug tonight. Tim's parents shouldn't have to bury their child tonight. But, he will be remembered as a wonderful and rare light in a world full of darkness.

Reflections on Family

Me with some of my older cousins.
Christmas long ago.

So, as I said in a previous post, my novel is delayed due to a situation and for privacy sake, I will not go into any details. But, I have been doing a lot of thinking, especially today, and in order for my brain to settle down so I can either work on my novel or sleep I wanted to express these thoughts however possible. I had thought of doing a video but I'm a little emotional right now and really don't want myself crying for the world to see. I don't mind getting personal... just not THAT personal.

Family has always been very important to me. I've been brought up in a very close knit, immediate family. My parents, sister and I moved in with my paternal grandmother when I was 8 years old after my grandfather and uncle died within a few months of each other. Obviously, Gram took it extremely hard, having to bury her husband and son so close together. So, we did what we could to help her out.


Now, I know not all families are like on Full House or the Brady Bunch where everything is perfect and no one ever argues and all issues are resolved right away with a kiss and "I love you" and life goes on. Yeah... no. I can say from just my sister and I alone how we fought like a couple of street cats on a near daily basis until my sister was about 17 and graduating high school. And we still have our moments when we fight and drive each other crazy with stupid sh*t. But, we work it out. Because we look at other members of our family, people who argued and got mad over really stupid sh*t or some misunderstanding or some fabricated wrong that could have been resolved right away when the real reason was minor but festered and was embellished over the years into this seething loathing, and we swore we didn't want to be like that. EVER. So, we have our argument, cool down for a day or two if need be, and then work on whatever we can to resolve the issue and be friends again.

And we've tried to share that thinking with other members of our family. Some cousins we are really close to. It's not always easy to keep in touch. Social media does help. Especially when you have family on the other end of the country and you maybe get to see them once a year. But, we try our hardest not to let stupid, minor issues get between us.

Family Baseball Game
Me, sis, Dad and cousins and uncle
photobombing in the background

Sure, we tease each other. It's what families do. We'll spend whole holiday dinners ragging on each other. And we'll embellish the story to make the person turn red. Like, the one time, when my one cousin bumped into my aunt. He literally did not see her because she's really small. He turned, she was there, and he bumped her in the head. So, over the years, we've added on to make it seem like he plowed into her like he was a football linebacker or something. He laughs and rolls with it and my aunt will shake her fist and say "I'm still plotting my revenge" and it's all good fun. When another cousin had her wisdoms out before Christmas couple years ago and was still swollen, someone bought her a Chippette doll as a joke. She laughed, even though it hurt her mouth. She took it pretty well. Or, just before Easter, my one aunt said something about how I had the best aunt ever (meaning her) and I said my other aunt was the best. So, all through Easter dinner, they would bring up embarrassing stories about me because I brought Boy along and they wanted to see me turn red. It kind of backfired because he was engrossed in the baseball game. Completely didn't hear what was being said. And that's how we keep things light and funny.

But, there's a line between "funny haha teasing" and being downright mean. And maybe some people don't mean to be mean. They'll say something in a way they think is trying to help. And it gets blown out of proportion. I knew a girl back in high school. She was a tall, curvy girl, like me. Her great-aunt would come from out of town couple times a year to visit. She worked at a department store and would always bring stuff that she bought on sale plus her employee discount. (She was a hoarder trying to pass off her junk) But, she always brought stuff that was size Small, Extra Small, maaaybe a medium or two. My friend couldn't wear it. She'd always end up giving it to other relatives who were smaller. Last time this aunt visited, she was saying her good byes, stood my friend in front of her, put her hands on the girl's hips and said "I want you 100 pounds lighter next time I see you." Now, her grandmother was also visiting at the time, heard this, and began a screaming match in the driveway with her sister, my friend's great aunt. The two sisters never spoke again. When the grandmother died, and the aunt was called and informed, she basically said "Oh, that sucks" and hung up. Didn't even attend her own sister's funeral. All because of a situation that could have been handled SO much differently. Now, both parties were at fault in this, my friend and I agree. The aunt shouldn't have said what she said, or she could have at least been a little nicer about it. And the grandmother didn't have to start a screaming match. They BOTH should have been on the phone after a day or two of cooling down, and resolving the problem. So, when I hear stories like that, I think how I wouldn't know what to do if I couldn't talk to my sister or any of my cousins.

Sis and I acting goofy for the camera
Christmas 2013

One thing I think helps keep us all together is we try to do big family events. We were trying to get Jersey Boy tickets for a girls night. Last year we did a baseball game together. My west coast family was in town, we got 25 tickets for whoever could come, and met up for the game. It was also dollar dog night. Best time to go with 20+ people because everyone can get fed for cheap... ish. Everything else is still cray expensive at the ballpark. I think my sis, Mom, and I split the soda. We got the massive souvenir cup with refills and passed it between us. We want to plan a bowling night sometime this summer. That'll be great, seeing as I'm hilariously bad at bowling. Maybe the Boy can give me some pointers. He's on a league and is really good. But, these big events help the core group of us get together, hang out, catch up on life in between birthdays and holidays and big family reunions.

Communication is also huge for us. I've mentioned social media- my cousin on the other end of the country and his wife and kids are all on Facebook and always posting pictures. Some of my younger cousins have Instagram. We also text each other like crazy and my mom and her sisters talk on conference call nearly every night. And, I can so see my sister and I doing the same thing in the future. Maybe not conference calls but Skype or something like that.

"Hey, Mom, Dad. Pose for a nice
 picture." *hide* -.-

My family loves food. Every family gathering, be it holidays, birthdays, family reunions, there is always a crap-ton of food. Like, rich, fattening, hearty, need to run ten miles to burn off a bite, good food. My mom's family is Polish and my dad's is a mixture of various parts of Europe and possibly some Irish. Haven't figured it all out yet. But all regions of really good, carb-filled food. Especially bakery. My grandmother made the BEST chocolate chip cookies in the world! My sister can recreate Gram's cheesecake recipe to perfection. We'll get together for a whole day and make from-scratch pierogies! Food is comfort. Food brings people together. Food is memories of Grandma's house with a freezer full of stuffed cabbage for a big party someone was having. If you don't have someone who can cook, go learn. You will be the most popular person at every gathering.

The strength of my family is incredible. We've banded together for good times like weddings and graduations, surprise birthday parties. And held each other up while we watched loved ones weaken and pass on to God either from cancer or some other illnesses. We've cried and blamed God and wondered why but, in the end, we know we still have those memories and we cherish them as much as we can and so when we have a wedding or a birthday we are able to celebrate those moments all the more because we know how precious those occasions can be and we don't know how many we're given.

Okay, emotional exhaustion is taking over right now. I need to nab a few hours sleep so I can function at work tomorrow without breaking down. Just wanted to talk a bit about my family and how awesome they are. What about your families? Share some stories in the comment box below.

Also, and I said this on Twitter earlier today but I'm saying it again. Treasure your family. They may drive you crazy but they're all you've got that really matters. Take an extra couple minutes to call that uncle in California. Or Grandma in Florida. Work things out. Don't hold grudges. Say "I love you" whenever you can. Because you never know what can happen and that moment's hesitation might make things too late.

Take care, guys. Thanks for reading.
~Carey

Happy Mother's Day

Hi everyone,
Wow, it's been a while. Sorry. But I'm on vacation from Day Job so I'll be doing lots of writing.

But today I wanted to tell you about the most influential and important woman in my life. In honor of Mother's Day.

My wonderful mom. My best friend, shoulder to cry on, confidante, and hero. She, and Dad, have sacrificed so much for me and my sister. She's held us when we scraped our knees or broke up with boyfriends. She sewed Halloween and play costumes. We've driven her crazy. We've made her laugh. My sister and I would fight like cats when we were little. Complete with hair pulling. Occasionally there was bloodshed. (I got knocked into a nightstand and cut my back on a sharp corner. Still got the scar.) And an odd trip to the ER while playing in the yard. (Line drive to the head 3 days before my 18th birthday) And who knows what else life has in store but no matter what, I know I can count on Mom to support me.

So, today, give your mom an extra hug and kiss. If you live far away, call her. (Actually call and have a conversation. Skype works, too.) If your mom is no longer alive, say a prayer of thanks, pull out the old photo album or scrapbook and reminisce about the good times.

Love you, Mama. Thank you for everything.