In the midst of various headlines circulating in the local and national media outlets, I need to vent. It's come to the point where I can't watch the news or even scroll my Twitter or Facebook feed without seeing something that makes me want to smash my laptop in a Hulk-like rage.
One that had me screaming was the settlement in a highly publicized local case. A boy was killed by officers after he was seen waving around a realistic looking toy gun. The mother went on a rampage. Blaming the police. Now, don't misunderstand me. My heart goes out to any mother who has to bury her son, especially from a violent act. My uncle was a victim of gun violence. My dad had to fly to California and bring his body home just 2 short months after my grandfather passed. My grandmother had to bury her husband and son within weeks of each other. And, I do not pretend to know the details of this boy's home life. But, something seems amiss to me when he should know better than to be in a public space waving a gun around, toy or not. I know Ohio has conceal-carry laws. But, the key word there is CONCEAL! Don't go to a park and wave it around, frightening people so they call the police! Where was the mom then? Now, she gets $6 million because she couldn't teach her kid common sense? And, she made it sound like the police had it in for her kid. Like, people join the police to earn a free license to kill. My father was a police officer and had a number of friends on the force in various city departments. I know this is not the case. They wouldn't have made it into the academy if they believed this to be true.
Another story I saw Monday involved a boy of similar age (about 13 or so) involved in a series of robberies and car jackings. A photo of the boy
pointing a gun was posted on social media!! The reporter interviewed the father and he was absolutely clueless.
He couldn't even tell the reporter what grade his son was in! Acted like it wasn't his business to know what his son did. What kind of parent does that? And,
why have kids if you're not going to teach and take care of them?
Now, before I get bombarded by trolls calling me racist, allow me to clarify. I'm not bringing this up because of race. I didn't even mention that when I talked about these situations. It's not a racial thing. It's about an all around disregard for values, morals, and accountability for one's actions. I work in retail. I see a few hundred people a day. It's everywhere. Black, white, yellow, purple, blue. Tall, short, fat, thin. And all religions and cultures. People let their kids run wild in the store. Then, when they get hurt or they hurt someone else or get caught stuffing candy in their pockets, it's "Oh... oops." or "Quit picking on my baby!" The other end of the spectrum is the ridiculously over-protective parents contributing to the increasing number of 20 year old babies. But, that's a rant for another day.
Maybe it's because I come from a very involved and close-knit family. Former friends would even tease and say my parents fell under that crazy over-protective category. But, I don't see it that way. And, besides, it worked! My sister and I never got into trouble with the law or in school. With the exception of my one and only fight in grade school that was self defense. We had rules instilled in us and we learned the value of sticking to a commitment and living a good life. And, most of all, that actions have consequences you have to face when you fuck up.
I'll go back to the fight I had in school. I hit a kid with my purse last period of the day. He had several classes with me and had been harassing me all day long. He pushed me to the ground and I retaliated. The principal wouldn't give me the time of day, but believed his crazy story about how I was a complete bitch and had it in for him from day 1. I went home crying, because we were both punished with in-school suspension. (Sit in an old art room... together... all day long doing your classwork. Worst. Day. Of. My. Life... at that point) My dad called the school. Even though I was not at fault, I still broke the rules by hitting the little jerk. And, so, served my punishment. It sucked. My 14 year old brain thought it wasn't fair and I wanted to call in sick. But, it taught me a lesson.
Again, actions have consequences. Don't study for an exam? You're probably going to flunk. Spill coffee from McDonalds all over your lap? Guess what! That shit's HOT. It says so, like 50 million times on the cup. You're going to get burned. Antagonize the dog next door? Yeah, you get no sympathy from me when he bites your hand. And, the list goes on.
I mentioned to my best friend that I was working on this post and, referring to the first news story I mentioned, I brought up my opinion on gun control. No, it is not a crime to own a gun, nor should it be. It's one of our Constitutional rights (if you live in the U.S. I know I have a few international readers out there) and I get that.
BUT necessary checks and balances need to be in place, along with proper education, to ensure a) some crazy nut job doesn't decide he wants to shoot up a movie theater, b) some poor kid who feels he has no other way can't shoot up his school to stop the bullies from making his life a living hell, c) a little child can't get hold of it, thinking it's a toy and end up shooting, if not themselves, someone else. But, oh. Wait, that would fall under
actually being a parent and
teaching your children right from wrong. Rather than blaming the world when they end up in jail or, worse, dead. My friend owns guns. They frequent their local range. They bought a BB gun for their 7 and 9 year old kids to use
only at the range, under supervision of mom and dad, and locked in a fingerprint safe. And, emphasizing these things are not toys. Even BB guns can be deadly if mishandled. We all laugh at Ralphie from Christmas Story and his "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." But, if you recall, he almost did shoot his eye out. My friend repeats this lesson over and over and will continue as her children grow up. That's taking proper responsibility.
Another thing we talked about, on this topic of guns, was school shootings. Perhaps we come from a naïve age when we were kids. Perhaps they're covered more because of the constant media saturation we get from... everywhere. But, we never heard of school shooting before Columbine. (9th grade for me) And now, sadly, they're so common place. And, what is one thing they say about many of the shooters? They were bullied in school. Now, I have shared my story numerous time about how I was bullied in school. 6th grade, coming home in tears nearly every day because kids called me "fat," "stupid," "useless," "bitch," and I'm sure there were more names long forgotten. 8th grade, I already mentioned the little creep that pushed me so far I slapped him. High school, I was the slow kid in gym class. My grades were a C average if I studied all night and prayed my heart out. I was the quiet one, so that made me a target. Rumors were spread about my best friend and I being "more than friends," if you get my drift. But,
not once did I consider getting a gun and shooting up my school. Why? Because I could talk to my parents. They may have been a tad over protective but that's how parents are
supposed to be. Hands on, caring about their children. Making sure they grow to have good values and become productive members of society. If you can't do that,
don't have any freaking kids! You'll only be doing more harm to them and then scratching your heads wondering what went wrong.
There is the other extreme I'll touch on quickly. The parents who smother. Now, my parents were protective, but they still let my sister and I live our lives. We made mistakes. We mishandled our money. (Or, at least I did) We had those bad relationships and heartbreaks. But, you need those lessons in life. You can't have Mom and Dad hovering over you night and day because you won't figure out how to be a grown-up. Something even most adults haven't figured out yet but it's a process and different experiences for everyone. Mom and Dad, sadly, won't be around forever. You have to take charge of your life.
And, yes, that involves the tough lesson that so many kids have to learn. People can be cruel. You're going to get picked on. People are going to torment you and try to make your lives a living hell for shits and giggles. But, that means there's something wrong with
them! I was trying to tell my friend's daughter this a few months back when she was telling me about a boy in school calling her ugly. "He's ignorant and blind because you are a lovely little girl." She shrugged and gave the usual reply I gave my mom so many times. "You're just saying that." "No, I'm not," I said. "I always feel that people who get joy out of making others miserable are miserable themselves. And, the way they make themselves feel superior is bringing others down instead of trying to raise themselves up. If he can't see what a great person you are, it's his loss because he could be missing out on a great friend if he just took the time to get to know you."
Which leads to another thing I need to grumble about. I'm a tolerant person. I enjoy learning about different religions and cultures. History has always interested me, the good, the bad, and the boring. And, it takes a lot to piss me off. The fact that I'm writing this is an example of the fact that I need to get things off my mind because I'm getting very close to voicing my opinions. And, with my luck, I'll say it to the wrong person who will take it the wrong way and I'll be in trouble. Probably at work. There is a certain public figure on the political scene in this country that makes me so mad. Remember I mentioned a Hulk-like rage? Yeah, he's reason number 1 I can't watch the news anymore. His blatant, ignorant, racist, sexist blabbering scares the daylights out of me! And, I pray I'm not alone. I hope to God above he does not win the election, or even the nomination he's seeking, because we're all in deep shit and I'll be packing my bags for Australia. He is demeaning to... well, anyone who is not a rich white man with bad hair. He doesn't care about family. He's quote in a 2005 interview (
Buzzfeed article here and, yes, if you haven't figured it out, you'll know who I'm talking about. I am on my boyfriend's laptop and I don't think he'd appreciate me destroying it in a fit of temper because this man fills me with so much anger) saying in part, "I won’t do anything to take care of them. I’ll supply funds and she’ll take care of the kids." He wouldn't even push the baby in the stroller on a simple walk down the street! What kind of parent does that? How is that an example for his children? Especially his sons.
Now, let me give you a situation here. I'll make up a normal(ish) American family. Dad works and is one of the minority who can be a solo provider for his family for whatever reason so Mom stays home, tends house, and takes care of the kids. Seems okay, right? Let's not forget. Being a stay-home mom is a tough,
highly underappreciated job. It's not like the "Real Housewives of ---" where an army of nannies take care of the kids while Mommy attends cocktail parties and watches soaps all day. No, when Dad's not home, she's doing mountains of laundry, dishes, just anything to just make the house somewhat presentable should a guest decide to drop by. Siblings fight. I know my sister and I did. My boyfriend and his brother have stories. So, as a parent, you're breaking up those fights and dishing out punishments. There are also the joys of parents. First steps, hearing "Mama" or "Daddy" for the first time. You know what gave me the "I want kids" bug? My friend's daughter was spending the weekend with me. We were in church and she threw her arms around me and gave me the most adoring smile in the world. I thought, "My God. I want to see that look coming from my own kids. That's the best feeling in the world." But, I digress. Back to my scenario here. So, the family is busy. Dad's working and helping Mom run the kids to Scouts, dance, baseball, football, visiting relatives, all that stuff that happens in life with kids. Suddenly, Mom isn't feeling well. She becomes ill. Or, she injures herself. She has to stay in bed for days/weeks on end! Can't afford a nanny with medical expenses piling up. Grandma or Aunt Lucy come help when they can but it's not a 24/7 deal. Guess what? Dad suddenly has to step up. It may mean changing his hours at work or working from home sometimes. Canceling that business trip. And, yes, he'll have to cook/do laundry/yard work/and all that other stuff Mom was doing but can't.
But, according to... yeah, you figured it out already so I'm still not typing his name... "That's not my thing." Self-centered creep. My dad does most of the cooking. Does that mean he's "acting like a wife," too? No, I think it means he's helping his wife who has to go to work as early as 3 a.m. and is so exhausted she fall asleep as soon as her rear hits the sofa. You know, if all men thought like you, I shudder to think what our world would be like. I'm pretty sure my mom wouldn't have married my dad. Then, my sister and I wouldn't be here and we wouldn't be at the place we are in our lives without hands on parents. Even now, at nearly 32, I know I can call my parents when I need to. Just before Christmas, I called my mom sobbing because my car wouldn't start after work and I was terrified it was something major. She calmed me down, she and Dad drove to my job, they looked it over, and said it was just the battery. Then, they helped me jump it and get it to the shop. If they weren't protective of us, I probably would have died 2 years ago from the blood clot in my leg because I was putting off seeing the doctor. But, my mom woke me up saying, "I called you off work. Make a doctor appointment now or we're just going to the E.R." Hands off dads wouldn't meet their daughters for dinners once a week just to talk and catch up on life amid busy schedules. Hands off dads would probably never notice when their daughters came home crying after their first big heartbreak and feeling like the world shattered around them like a dropped snow globe.
I could go on. But, my brain is fried and I need to be up early myself to work on my other writing projects before Day Job resumes once more. Looking forward to a long, quiet weekend and, hopefully, continued nice weather.
I hope my rants and ramblings sparked some thought, if not conversation. I'd love to talk/civilly debate. And, thanks for reading if you made it to the end.
Good night,
Carey
